Official Declaration Of Singleness

 I have mixed feelings on dating. My friends have all spoken to me about their experiences and how ANNOYING it is to have tons of guys sliding into their Instagram DMs. I laugh, but then I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong, because that has never happened to me. I am VERY well aware I’m not the shiniest shell at the beach, but at the same time, I’m not repulsive. You know? 

Dating is a complete mystery to me. I do not understand men. All they speak about is politics, gadgets, star wars and stocks. It’s like a different language, and I don’t get it. To be honest, I don’t care to get it, because I’m a woman and I dont need to understand. Im happy they like those things though, I think it’s cute that men like their little sports cars that go vroom vroom. I don’t get the hype personally. I actually dislike cars. I enjoy an occasional scenic drive through the mountains of Idaho—probably because if I am going to run over something, I would rather have it be a moose than a human. 

Anyways, dating. I actually went on my first date three days ago. I never went on dates in high school. I went to prom alone. I’ve never had a boyfriend. No one is sliding into my DMs, though I did delete my instagram so that might play a part. Strangers never ask for my number. I had my first kiss three months ago, and it didn’t go anywhere. The guy was just a bit horny, I think, and I just happened to be in the same room with him. The date I went on was chill, but I felt nothing for him. 

A family member says my lack of male attention is due to the fact that I don’t flirt. I don’t flirt because why would I? It makes me cringe. I made myself do it once, and I felt like an absolute lunatic. I won’t flirt unless I actually am interested in someone—not just because they happen to be male. Because, like I said, I feel a bit retarded.

I am not noticeable. Maybe I am a little pretty, but not enough to be approached, so I must rely on my personality. The issue is that I am painfully introverted, so I don’t enjoy going out. I like staying inside and playing skyrim. When I do go out, I am so reserved I am basically mute the entire time, because I usually don’t know anyone and therefore do not trust them to be able to handle my personality. I have one, but the only people who really know that are my family, God, and my two close friends. 

It’s hard because I literally hate being independent. I am dependent. Sorry.. A life of typing on a keyboard in an office sounds absolutely harrowing to me. Don’t you agree? I bet you do, even if you won’t admit it to your sorry self. I do NOT think anything else would be fulfilling. When you are on your death bed I bet you won't be wishing you'd filled out more paperwork. 

Don’t get me wrong, I feel like I'm a good worker. I don’t rest until everything is finished. I have a job, and I do it with a smile on my face, but my heart aches because I simply do not love it. Oh well, God didn’t intend life to be a big ol’ party. I am like those women in Jane Austen novels who's worst case scenarios are not getting married. Thats so relatable tbh. 

This is my official declaration of singleness.

I am 22. I’m mid but nice. Please don’t buy me things that makes me uncomfortable. If you can provide for me, that’s more than enough. I cry a lot, but I don't want you to comfort me because I have always comforted myself and I prefer it that way. I like men between 5'8" and 5'11" the best. I like a freshly shaved face and brown hair but its not a necessity. I will sustain you in your callings, listen to you and make you food. I myself am 5'7", so people assume I want a husband who is over six feet tall, but I don’t—because they are so used to getting every girl they want that they are lacking in character. Besides, if you are taller than me, I consider you to be tall. I am nice, funny, affectionate, resilient, honest and adventurous.  I’m not smart, but I am emotionally intelligent, if that means anything to you.  Okay. Bye!