My New Years goals

Well, as they say, this is going to be my year. Whatever that means. Every year is ours thanks to God, really. Lol.

But seriously, here are my goals for 2026:

-To be honest… I just love my snacks. What can I say? I love things that taste good. Unfortunately, I need to ease up a little because I want to lose a bit of weight. I’m always wanting to lose weight, even though I’m not overweight. I’m at a healthy weight, I just want to feel better in my body. So my first goal is to lose a little of my plump by eating better and moving more.

-I need to be more financially responsible. I’ll be real, I have a little credit card debt because I got one and no one explained how interest works. Lol. It’ll be okay though. Once I pay it off, I’m throwing that damn thing away.

-I want to have less screen time. I am absolutely addicted to my phone.

I’m starting my horse veterinary assistant program this year, which is huge and exciting.

So there you have it, my goals for 2026. 

Now tell me, what are your goals?

Also not really a goal but more of a wish, if I have the means to do so I would love to travel to England later this year. 

Depression advice

Literally the only things that help when I am going through a slump over the winter:

1. Pray to the Lord

2. Read Harry Potter

Country or City?

When people find out where I am from, they often assume that I am more country. Now, I love nature, I love camping when I need a break from the rush of normal life. Its very beneficial for mental health as it can reset your brain and calm you down. I like sitting on warm rocks and sticking my feet in streams or laying in a bed of moss under a cedar tree while listening to the birds sing. I love Animals as well, I grew up raising pigs, Chickens and even goats for a while. I volunteered at a local Horse Barn when I was fourteen, so you would assume im more country. Yes, I will wear boots while cleaning horse stalls or working outside, but when its time to go out? I like looking nice and smelling good. 

I dont like country music at all, I think it sounds very cringe. I like some of the older stuff from John Denver, but the newer the song is, the more they lie about the way they live.

I dont care about trucks. I dont care about hunting or fishing, I just get my food at the grocery store. I think we can enjoy nature without looking like we roll around in it.

Now, my entire hometown is like that. Most of my friends are like that. I dont hate it but for some reason ive never been with it. Like yes, I loved raising my pigs, but after I was done feeding them I'd shower and play on my 3ds. Thats my other issue, if I end up with a cowboy he's going to expect me to be a man. Hes going to want me to be his mudding buddy and go fishing with him. Isn't that what his man friends are for? Why cant you just let me stay home and be a nerd? I like playing my instruments, I like reading, I like baking, I like sewing, I like painting, I like my videogames and movies. 

So am I more country or city? To be honest I think I enjoy parts of both. City people would consider me country, while country people claim I am more city like because of how I dress, my car, and my music taste. So I dont know. Im just a girl I suppose. 

Working Out

 Well, I have decided to start working out again. I hate exercising. I think anyone who says they enjoy it are dirty liars. My muscles burn, my lungs ache, and my sweat makes me feel like a stick of butter that has been left out. There has never been anything fun or enjoyable about it. The results are nice, but why must they take so much torture to achieve? At that point, is it even worth all the suffering?

People have told me it gives them a dopamine rush, like they get high from exercising, and I’m like… what the freaking heck is wrong with you? I think it’s okay to admit working out sucks, as long as you’re doing it.

I know that it is good, which is why I’m doing it, but I am NOT happy about it. I am sobbing while I run. Just kidding—but sometimes I want to. You don't have to tell me I am being ridiculous, I am aware of this.

I’m doing running and aerobics. Aerobics is honestly kind of fun if you do the ’80s videos, and running is horrible—but maybe if I get strong enough, I might begin to enjoy the feeling of my legs falling off. When I’m on my period, I low-key just go on walks or do yoga, because working out is torturous enough. Why would I do it when I’m also having menstrual cramps?

But I must prevail so I can feel better, since working out has an endless list of benefits for mental and physical health. I want to say, “Let’s see how long this will last,” but I’ve realized that’s not a good mindset—because who says it won’t last? I need to be more optimistic.

My Sense of Style

Day to day, I gravitate toward clothes that feel effortless and casual, but still intentional. Not frumpy, not lazy, just put together enough that if a friend called me out of the blue and said, “Let’s go on an adventure,” my outfit would already work. Think slightly Weasley-coded: practical, cozy, and lived-in, with personality.

Everyday Style

In the summer, I mostly live in knee-length denim shorts and graphic t-shirts. I like finding tees at thrift stores or vendor malls, places where you can get higher-quality shirts with character instead of fast fashion prints. I usually pair them with high-top Converse, matching the color to my shirt, or high-top Reeboks if I’m leaning into a more 80s look.

In spring and fall, I love layering:

-Hoodies

-Jackets

-Knit sweaters or cardigans

I usually wear these with high-waisted straight-leg jeans and Converse. If I want a bit more shape, I’ll wear Henley tops or scoop-neck shirts, since they add waist definition without feeling dressy.

Winter = Survival Mode

In winter, my style honestly takes a back seat to staying warm. I wear:

-Long johns under my jeans

-Big boots

-A sweatshirt and a heavy coat

-Gloves, a beanie, and a scarf

I don’t overthink it. I just want to be warm, and that’s okay.

Sunday / Church Style

On Sundays, I prefer fit-and-flare or wrap dresses that define my waist. I like dresses that hit at the knee or below, since I prefer dressing more modestly.

Accessories stay simple:

-Pearl earrings or gold hoops

-A delicate gold necklace

I don’t like high heels, boots, Mary Janes, or sandals. Ballet flats are my go-to dress shoes. In winter, I’ll add wool tights and a wool coat.

Swimwear

For swimwear, I stick to one-piece swimsuits with a sweetheart neckline and two shoulder straps (not halter styles). I prefer darker colors, since lighter ones tend to wash me out, especially because I stay fairly pale even in summer.

I am a soft autumn in my coloring, so the colors that flatter me best are:

Cream, beige, Chocolate brown, Navy, Sage, 

Olive, Muted forest green, Pastel Blue, Burnt orange, Rose Gold, Mauve, Peachy Pink, plum

Peach pink and Gold. 

Questions on Gender Identity Disorder

 I want to begin by saying this plainly:

I’m not writing this out of hatred, fear, or a desire to mock anyone. I’m writing because I believe questions matter, especially when a topic is treated as settled, but still feels unresolved for many.

I believe gender is something given, not constructed. I believe it has meaning beyond aesthetics or self-expression. And because I believe that, I find myself sitting with questions.

So this is not an argument. it’s a collection of honest questions.

If gender is entirely separate from biology,
why does it seem to be expressed almost entirely through appearance?

If clothing has no gender,
why does wearing a skirt suddenly make someone a woman?

If makeup doesn’t define womanhood,
why is it so often used to signal it?

If we are told that gender stereotypes are harmful,
why do we lean on those same stereotypes to validate a gender identity?

I’m told that what you wear doesn’t determine who you are, and I agree.
But then I’m confused when changing clothes, hair, or presentation is treated as proof of a new gender identity.

If a man grows his hair long, wears makeup, and puts on a dress,
why is the conclusion that he is a woman,
instead of simply a man who dresses differently? Why is that option never enough?

If gender is internal and invisible,
why must it be constantly affirmed externally?

And if gender is fluid,
why does it so often settle into very traditional images of masculinity and femininity?

I also wonder:
What does this say to women?

If womanhood can be entered through appearance alone,
what does that mean for the lived reality of being female?

I believe gender is not a costume we put on, but a reality that shapes us, body and soul together.

That doesn’t mean people don’t experience pain, confusion, or alienation from their bodies. I don’t deny that struggle. But I wonder whether the answer to that suffering is redefinition, or reconciliation.

The Quiet Rise of Meaninglessness

There is a quiet belief spreading through my generation, one that doesn’t always announce itself loudly, but shows up in jokes, detachment and irony.

It’s the belief that this is all meaningless.
That nothing has ultimate purpose.
That there is no absolute truth, only opinions, feelings, and temporary preferences.

And I believe this belief is the most dangerous threat we face.

Not political differences, not social media, not ai, not war.

Because when nothing means anything, everything else collapses with it.

We’re told: “There is no point to all of this, so just do whatever you want.”
Live for pleasure. Live for yourself. Invent your own truth. Don’t think too deeply, it’s all random anyway.

At first, this sounds freeing. But freedom without meaning quickly turns into emptiness.

If nothing matters, then suffering has no purpose.
Love is just chemistry.
Sacrifice is foolish.
And morality becomes blurry at best, optional at worst.

Here’s a simple question that exposes the problem:

Is it wrong to kill someone?

Almost everyone instinctively says yes. but why?

If there is no God…If there is no ultimate source of truth…If reality is just an accident with no designed order…

Then what makes killing objectively wrong rather than merely inconvenient or unpopular?

Without an absolute foundation, morality becomes a social agreement something we vote on, modify, or discard when it no longer suits us. History shows how dangerous that is.

As a Christian, I believe God is not an accessory to the world. He is necessary.

Without God:

• There is no ultimate moral law, only shifting human opinion

• There is no final accountability, only consequences if you get caught

• There is no inherent human dignity

But with God, meaning is given, not invented.

If God exists, then life is sacred, not because we say so, but because He says so.
Truth is real, not because it’s popular, but because it is grounded in reality itself.
Right and wrong exist, not because society agrees, but because they reflect God’s nature.

Jesus didn’t say, “I have a truth.”
He said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”

My generation isn’t broken because we ask too many questions, we’re struggling because we’re being told there are no real answers. This belief is costing us more than we realize. 

What I'd drop as loot

If you were to kill me in a videogame, here is the loot you'd most likely collect from my dead pixelated body. 

-Earplugs 

-A 3ds

-big bag of pennies

-A piece of scrap paper with random notes on it. Maybe it would lead you to treasure? :D

- A random rock i found outside and now must carry around at all times

-small vanilla body spray 

-Library card 

-digital Camera with a bunch of useless blurry photos 

-book I haven't started yet

My Music Taste

I love music,who doesn’t? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who truly dislikes it. Music feels almost universal, like a shared language we all understand a little differently.

My favorite genres are art pop, folk, classical, and classic rock. I dabble in indie now and then, but I tend to avoid rap, which I usually find more annoying than enjoyable. I also have a complicated relationship with country music: as a genre, it’s not really my thing, but I grew up in a more yee-haw type town so some songs can be nostalgic.

Country (A Very Short List)

The country songs I enjoy are:

• “Forever and Ever, Amen” – Randy Travis

• “Wagon Wheel” – Darius Rucker

And that’s it.

Rock: 80s Forever

When it comes to rock, I love anything from the 80s, Whitesnake, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, Van Halen. There’s something so heartwarming and distinctly nostalgic about it. I didn’t grow up in the 80s, but I can never get enough of the music.

Some of my favorite rock songs include:

• “Bad Medicine”

• “Pour Some Sugar on Me”

• “Still of the Night”

• “Turn Up the Radio”

• “Fly High Michelle”

Pop Favorites

Pop is where my taste really spreads out. I love Oklou, Michael Jackson, Peggy Gou, PinkPantheress, After, Lady Gaga, Tate McRae, Addison Rae, Billie Eilish, Chlöe x Halle, and Whitney Houston. And honestly, I can get down to anything 80s.

Some specific favorites:

• “Harvest Sky” – Oklou

• “Purple Horizon” – Peggy Gou

• “Times Like These” – Addison Rae

• “Together Again” – Janet Jackson

• Anything from Thriller, HIStory, and Bad – Michael Jackson

• “300 Dreams” – After

• “Girl Like Me” – PinkPantheress

• “Unlimited Ammo” – Namasenda

Folk: My Creative Comfort Genre

Folk is my favorite genre for writing, painting, or falling asleep. It feels grounding and gentle in a way no other genre does. I especially love The Paper Kites, Gregory Alan Isakov, Fleet Foxes, and Kacey Musgraves.

Some songs I return to again and again:

• “On the Train Ride Home” – The Paper Kites

• “Give Me Your Fire, Give Me Your Rain” – The Paper Kites

• “Second Chances” – Gregory Alan Isakov

• “The Architect” – Kacey Musgraves

• “The Pool” – River Whyless

• “Michigan Cherry” – River Whyless

• “Without a Light” – Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors

• “The Archer” – Adam Melchor

• “Promise” – Ben Howard

Other Artists I Love

Stevie Wonder, Lizzy McAlpine, Leith Ross, and Phoebe Bridgers all have a special place in my heart.

My All-Time Favorite Songs

If I had to choose:

1. “Smile” – Nat King Cole (my favorite song of all time)

2. “Human Nature” – Michael Jackson (a very close second)

3. “The Swan” – Camille Saint-Saëns

This only skims the surface of my music taste, but it’s a solid starting guide. Thanks for reading, hopefully you discovered some good music along the way. I might make a part two, focusing more on my favorite oldies.

Bucket List

 A few things I want to complete by the time.my earthly life comes to a close. 

• Find a four leaf clover on St. Patrick's day

• Spend a night in jail

• Go mining in a real mine with miners (extra points if they are shirtless!)

•  Try escargot

• Get married and delete my existence from every corner of the internet 

• Have as many children as possible of course

• Swing from a vine like Tarzan and run around the woods barefoot 

• Hang out with the mayor

• Punch someone and be punched (preferably by another woman)

• Survive in the wild for one week

• Get my dad to wear a top hat to work 

• Get Salmonella 

• Be a suspect for a crime I didnt commit 

• Explore a ghost town

• Fit inside a beavers dam 

• Sit on a train 

• Be a good mother and put all my attention towards my children 

• Continue to follow the Lord

Thanks for reading and I'm sorry!

~Camilla

I can never live alone

This post is from last November!

My family is on a side quest, they are currently traveling around American history sights because they love to learn, I had to work so I stayed home (Actually, the idea of having the entire house to myself sounded delicious). 

It started out strong. House was so clean that the neighbors had to shield their eyes as they drove by because it sparkled so brightly. Dog? Fed. Potatoes? Baked. Michael Jackson? Blasting. Me? Very content.

First issue. 

I ran out if my ADD drugs and I can't get anymore until I have another appointment, so I have been extremely scatterbrained. First, I turned the tub on and then got distracted because it was night and I could see all the stars so I then decided to go into a rabbit hole of research about constellations for 45 minutes until I walked back inside and heard water spilling down the stairs. I immediately stayed calm but also said some bad words as I scurried up the stairs and turned the tap off. Now the bathroom was flooded. (I cleaned it up, do not fret mom!)

Next day, I don't know how I did it but the deed was done. I had walked into a wall and busted my lip so bad that I had blood trailing down my chin <3

Day after that. Canker sore makes an appearance,  hurts to eat, sing, speak and cry. I brush my teeth, salty tears flow down my cheeks as I feel searing pain in my mouth. 

Today. Last night I took a bath to try and relax myself, this morning I woke up tragically deaf in one ear, you guessed it. My ear is full of water. I have tried every remedy to drain it, but to no avail. I need rubbing alcohol, but we are out and its Sunday (exodus 20:8) so I must wait until tomorrow to purchase. Until then, I will continue talking loudly because I'm not sure of my volume. 

I have come to the conclusion that I simply cannot live on my own for I am far too stupid. It is okay. I am a simpleton, I have accepted it. 

Goodbye.

Official Declaration Of Singleness

 I have mixed feelings on dating. My friends have all spoken to me about their experiences and how ANNOYING it is to have tons of guys sliding into their Instagram DMs. I laugh, but then I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong, because that has never happened to me. I am VERY well aware I’m not the shiniest shell at the beach, but at the same time, I’m not repulsive. You know? 

Dating is a complete mystery to me. I do not understand men. All they speak about is politics, gadgets, star wars and stocks. It’s like a different language, and I don’t get it. To be honest, I don’t care to get it, because I’m a woman and I dont need to understand. Im happy they like those things though, I think it’s cute that men like their little sports cars that go vroom vroom. I don’t get the hype personally. I actually dislike cars. I enjoy an occasional scenic drive through the mountains of Idaho—probably because if I am going to run over something, I would rather have it be a moose than a human. 

Anyways, dating. I actually went on my first date three days ago. I never went on dates in high school. I went to prom alone. I’ve never had a boyfriend. No one is sliding into my DMs, though I did delete my instagram so that might play a part. Strangers never ask for my number. I had my first kiss three months ago, and it didn’t go anywhere. The guy was just a bit horny, I think, and I just happened to be in the same room with him. The date I went on was chill, but I felt nothing for him. 

A family member says my lack of male attention is due to the fact that I don’t flirt. I don’t flirt because why would I? It makes me cringe. I made myself do it once, and I felt like an absolute lunatic. I won’t flirt unless I actually am interested in someone—not just because they happen to be male. Because, like I said, I feel a bit retarded.

I am not noticeable. Maybe I am a little pretty, but not enough to be approached, so I must rely on my personality. The issue is that I am painfully introverted, so I don’t enjoy going out. I like staying inside and playing skyrim. When I do go out, I am so reserved I am basically mute the entire time, because I usually don’t know anyone and therefore do not trust them to be able to handle my personality. I have one, but the only people who really know that are my family, God, and my two close friends. 

It’s hard because I literally hate being independent. I am dependent. Sorry.. A life of typing on a keyboard in an office sounds absolutely harrowing to me. Don’t you agree? I bet you do, even if you won’t admit it to your sorry self. I do NOT think anything else would be fulfilling. When you are on your death bed I bet you won't be wishing you'd filled out more paperwork. 

Don’t get me wrong, I feel like I'm a good worker. I don’t rest until everything is finished. I have a job, and I do it with a smile on my face, but my heart aches because I simply do not love it. Oh well, God didn’t intend life to be a big ol’ party. I am like those women in Jane Austen novels who's worst case scenarios are not getting married. Thats so relatable tbh. 

This is my official declaration of singleness.

I am 22. I’m mid but nice. Please don’t buy me things that makes me uncomfortable. If you can provide for me, that’s more than enough. I cry a lot, but I don't want you to comfort me because I have always comforted myself and I prefer it that way. I like men between 5'8" and 5'11" the best. I like a freshly shaved face and brown hair but its not a necessity. I will sustain you in your callings, listen to you and make you food. I myself am 5'7", so people assume I want a husband who is over six feet tall, but I don’t—because they are so used to getting every girl they want that they are lacking in character. Besides, if you are taller than me, I consider you to be tall. I am nice, funny, affectionate, resilient, honest and adventurous.  I’m not smart, but I am emotionally intelligent, if that means anything to you.  Okay. Bye!